The Eulogy

It took a little while to finally get this done but hopefully this will serve as a lasting tribute to Mum.

Mum

First of all, I’d like to thank Dad for his thoughts and reflections, particularly before I was born – to know that I was almost not born brings a certain perspective onto my life.

I remember my mum saying to me many times as a kid “Cha gee deen lah!” – that’s Chinese for “check the dictionary!”. So to make sure that I understood what a eulogy was I checked my Oxford pocket dictionary.

Eulogy – “speech, writing, in praise of someone”. It was hard writing this eulogy, that is pure understatement – but I am talking about and praising my mum, and that was not hard because she was a woman who had so many praiseworthy qualities.

I have many fond memories of mum and to share all of them would be quite time consuming – and I’m sure my dad and I will relate them all to you some other time. However, I thought I would tell a few of them just to point out the amazing qualities she had and for which I am deeply indebted today.

My mother always had a deep love for music. She used to tell me that the only reason I ended up being musical was because she listened to the records in my dad’s collection while I was in her tummy; scientific evidence is neither here nor there but my mum’s constant encouragement, sitting down at the piano while I practised, despite not being able to read a note of music still guides my musical philosophy today. She was ruthless; if she heard anything that was not quite perfect, there would be her voice saying “Clem - was that right?” She wanted perfection from me, because she knew I was gifted and I sometimes disappointed her in later years by not practising as diligently as I should have. For my musical development, I have so, so much to thank my mother for, for taking me with dad to music lessons, for sacrificing time and energy to help me practise, for taking me to competitions and being a constant encouragement if I played badly.

Mum did all sorts of things for me – I am forever grateful for what she did. Time only suffices for me to give a few examples. She used to carry my cello several times a week for 2 years from Sydney Grammar Edgecliff Prep School back home to Oatley when I was a little boy, taking the train every afternoon, she used to make my lunch everyday at school, she used to always worry about me when I went out, made sure I had enough money to get home in an emergency. This didn’t stop when I became an adult. A couple of years ago on a shift with World Vision, I stupidly left the cash tin key at home, as such I couldn’t actually function – a hurried phone call and mum went from home to Westfield Miranda on the train to bring it to me. She always looked after me if I was sick or if my dad was sick; hot water bottles, calls to gargle salt water, drink flat lemonade, go to bed early and insisting I did things right, not just my music but my life. She always used to call me “Ah Jai!” – which in English means “Son!” or “Look son!” – once we were in Hong Kong and she went “Ah Jai!” and I said “mum, I’m here but you called so loud, I would have heard you if I was anywhere in Hong Kong!”. Such was her care for me and her devotion to doing the utmost to see me grow up.

On the subject of perfection, many of you will have seen my mother being an absolute stickler for getting things right. This pervaded her everyday life as well – her dishes when she really put effort in to cook something had to be right, vegies had to be washed very, very cleanly, the house had to be spotless, things had to be just right for guests when they arrived at our house.

She became very ill about 9 years ago. As my dad has mentioned, my mum had had a long history of medical problems since she was a kid. This affected her badly for a few years to the extent, that she once said to me that she hoped to live long enough for me to graduate from uni. And she saw me do that, even if it was just an Arts degree from Sydney Uni albeit with Honours. That was a very special day for her and for me as well, because memories came flooding back.

She came to know Christ through her illness and no doubt this was a watershed period in her life. Previously, death held great fear and uncertainty; with her future assured in Christ, she was full of peace, hope and joy. I immediately sensed a great peace and joy in mum that sometimes I had not found before, she had generally been pretty serious with me, and you probably see a lot of mum in myself; that bit anyway - on my off days, I’m terribly serious, just like mum was. And because she was ill, she wanted those closest to her to know about her great hope and the great God who provides that hope. My dad told me that the time when our family all knew Christ was the day that her life felt complete. And the great hope of resurrection that Christ brought to this world 2000 years ago carries us forward today. My father and I are greatly indebted to those who have stressed the faithfulness and love of God particularly shown by providing the great hope of resurrection.

And that sums mum’s last few years up. My mum was an extremely hard-working and driven woman. What drove her on even amidst suffering? The answer is simple. The Lord Jesus Christ and what He did on the cross for her and the rest of humanity and the hope of resurrection. Her life was devoted to our family and to serving the Lord and seeing Him made known to others. As I came to mature in my faith, spurred on by the great example my mother was, I think I finally realised what a great woman God had created her to be, a woman who had a real servant heart, a passion for the lost, a passion for those in the church. It was so easy to take her for granted, but I know that she never took me for granted. To her, after she became a Christian, she knew I was, to her, a precious gift from God. And friends, I hope that if I even follow her example in some small proportion, I will be a much better person 1000 times over.

One of my mother’s great virtues was her ability to forgive. I’ve lost count of how many times when her and I had arguments that I was extremely disrespectful and hurtful to her and reflecting on things that I said to her throughout my childhood, my teenage years and even in the last few months – I regret what I said straight away because deep down I knew my mum had meant it all as good for me. I wish I could take it all back, I really do. But as my dad told me a few days ago, mum forgave you, because Jesus had forgiven her.

In some ways, I sometimes thought of myself as doing the things that mum had always wanted to do but never got the opportunity to do. She always wanted to learn a musical instrument; she had wanted to study law. So for her to see me grow and go into these disciplines from my dad told me and her friends have told me, made her very proud of me. My great prayer is that I would not disappoint her with the life that I live in whatever I do.

As I conclude, knowing that my mum was proud of me (and that was apparent through her actions and words to those around her) as I was preparing to say goodbye to her, I tried to think about what my mum would want me to be. And so I came up with these words, at her bedside:

“Mum, I hope I turn out to be a son that you would be proud of, a son who like you followed Christ to life’s end”

My family, my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ – I urge you to keep me to that promise I made to her. Rebuke me, like mum would have, encourage me, like mum would have, support me, like mum would have, and most importantly of all, you yourselves, remain with or turn to Christ in your hearts so that you too, maybe able to see her standing with you before our great God and Father in heaven.

To my mother who is now with the Lord, freed from the suffering of this world: Thank you for what you have done for me, thank you for helping point me to the gospel, thank you for the people that you have helped, thank you for the work you have done for the Lord. I’m sure God is right this very moment saying to you “Well done, you have finished the race. Well done, good and faithful servant”. Mum - Dad and I will forever love you and forever have our lives shaped by your example. May we honour you and the Lord our God with the rest of our lives until we are reunited with you in heaven.